OPINION | Lisa Baker Gibbs: Straight to the director’s chair: Ideas for the big screen | The Arkansas Democrat-Gazette

Trapper John and I love going to the movies (or “the show,” as I call it) and there’s no better place to see the sequel to a summer blockbuster than at a drive-in theater. When the weather is nice, there’s something magical about seeing a show under a full moon and a blanket of stars.

That is, until my loving fiancée whispers in my ear, “Hollywood has run out of ideas!”

At least, I think that’s what he said. Maybe it was, “He probably would have run out of tortillas.” I’m not sure.

You see, Trapper can’t whisper. His voice has three volumes: 1) whisper; 2) conversation from the next room; and 3) conversation from the next county. Whispering is out.

I can ask him to repeat what he said, but that only solves one problem and creates a new one. I will confirm that we are good with tortillas and the entire film complex (i.e. the Stone County hayfield) will listen to Trapper’s musings on the film industry as he goes from inaudible to vociferous.

The thing is, I agree with Trapper (OMG! Did I write that?). But what he sees as negative, I find absolutely charming. I LOVE the fact that Hollywood is the primary recycler of decades-old material. If I cheered for these characters in my teens, I’ll probably cheer them even more when I’m 50, or talk about how that’s not how it was done in the original movie. Either way, good times!

In fact, I would like to offer my ideas, which are undoubtedly much desired, to the moguls of the big screen, for successful sequels aimed at my generation in the years to come:

Superman 14: Octogenarians Unite – Clark Kent leads a calorific revolt at his assisted living facility against the formidable lunchroom mistress, Lexi Luthor. Trust, justice, and creamed corn can style!

Twistered: The residents of Withered Oak Manor attempt to keep their balance on the classic game mat while keeping an eye out for an impending storm.

Hawaii Nine-0: A former naval officer modifies his mobility scooter with a V8 engine to cruise around the island in constant search of a better parking spot. Park it, Danno!

Matrix: Icebox – Neo discovers a terrifying new realm of existence in refrigerated leftovers that, the Oracle insists, are “still good.”

Braveheart: 3 stints Later – William Wallace’s 15th nephew finds love and a zest for life as he delves into the halls of a cardiac ward. The tagline is, “They haven’t killed me yet!”

The Old Man of Oz: The ladies of the Lollipop Guild defy the Wicked Witch of West Fork to win the affections of the town’s newest widower, played by the eternal Paul Rudd.

Legally blind: Centenarian Elle Woods ends up in traffic court for consistently failing to negotiate a Bella Vista roundabout.

Top Gums – Maverick and Penny, two old flames, finally tie the knot and go on an exotic honeymoon to the Buffalo River, where they must contend with wild MiGs, i.e. pigs, and ill-fitting dentures.

Trapper says, “Your movies and your audition are bad!” Or maybe “blue cheese is disappearing fast?” I’m not sure.