Guide to Infidelity: Why Do People Cheat on Their Partners? Experts Break Down the Psychology Behind It

While promoting his film Do Aur Do PyaarDirector Shirsha Guha Thakurta clarified that it was not a film about infidelity, but about love. And if you have seen the film starring Vidya Balan and Pratik Gandhi, you will realise that they can exist interdependently. can Loving your partner and still being disloyal, as confusing as this theory may seem.

This statement also applies to psychology. According to David M. Buss, one of the founders of evolutionary psychology, humans generally tend toward non-monogamy, with monogamy being more a social structure than a natural state.

However, under the laws of traditional society (as they exist in 2024, at least), infidelity is a moral sin and, if you’ve been unlucky enough to suffer it, a harrowing experience. When you’re cheated on, you can’t help but wonder why; in most cases, it will make you feel like you’re not up to par. Maybe if you’d been a little more attentive, reciprocal, and even spontaneous… they wouldn’t have had to stray. Right?

Well, no. At least, not always. According to Rashi Laskari, a psychologist in Mumbai, sometimes when a person cheats on their partner, it has nothing to do with them, but rather with their own gratuitous need for validation. “While it may be assumed that infidelity revolves around physical attraction, it is usually a direct manifestation of some broader psychological or emotional issue that remains unresolved for the person in question.” She says: “We’ll explain everything to you below.”

Guide to Infidelity: Why Do People Cheat on Their Partners? Experts Break Down the Psychology Behind It

Emotional disconnection: One of the most common causes of infidelity is when both partners experience an emotional disconnection.

“When people cheat, they are often looking for something that is missing in their primary relationship. Over time, couples grow apart; one may look for that missing emotion elsewhere, rather than rebuilding it with their partner. It is not uncommon to find someone to confide in (a colleague, a friend) and what starts out as an innocent relationship, ends up turning into something more. Because the emotional void is being “filled” by this friendship,” says Laskari.

The novelty factor

In the case of a long-term relationship, people can start to feel a little stuck in their monotony once the honeymoon period comes to an end. While they claim to be perfectly happy with their bond, there is an underlying need or search for the excitement of the early years, simply as a way to temporarily escape their routine lives.

“I have found that the allure of a forbidden affair is most prevalent among people going through a midlife crisis, as a result of their desire to feel younger or simply desirable.” duck.

Low self-esteem

As diabolical as it may seem to some, it is possible for a person to be perfectly content with their relationship and still cheat on their partner. This is because they harbor a constant need for validation, which stems from low self-esteem.

“For them, an affair becomes a test of their worth or attractiveness. Obviously, this stems from a deeper insecurity that they haven’t addressed. The affair then becomes less about the other person and more about serving its own purpose – namely, reinforcing their self-image.” Laskari says.

Poor impulse control

In some cases, people don’t necessarily intend to cheat on their partners, but they lack the drive to hold back when boundaries are blurred. For Laskari, this could be due to a problematic coping mechanism or an inability to set clear boundaries. In this sense, the psychological influence of poor impulse control can lead people to cheat on their partners despite knowing they shouldn’t.